Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving had always been my favorite holiday.  The smell of turkey roasting when you rise, the gathering and gratitude and no gifts.  I loved it. The Thanksgivings of my childhood and early adulthood are filled with those memories.  Lazy days of sweet rolls, mimosas, parades and poultry was my idea of perfection.

A few years ago my life was turned upside down at Thanksgiving and my life would never be the same.  My perception and enjoyment of my former favorite holiday changed forever.

But I digress.....

We have these ceramic turkey candle holders.  I bring them each Thanksgiving.  My son talked me into getting them from Walgreens probably 26 years ago.  They were cheap, came with candles so I bought them.

That first year we burned the candles that came with the cheap holders and found that they never stayed up OR straight.  We chalked it up to cheap candles and packed them away.

The following year they were brought out again.  Better, higher quality candles were purchased but the holders still never held the candles up OR straight.  Sadly the kids loved them so they were packed up and brought out year after year with the same result.  

The year after my life fell apart I brought them out and displayed them in all their wayward glory.  They had come to represent my life.  They were my bridge to the past, my joy of Thanksgiving and my constant reminder that I was, as a human, somewhat imperfect - wayward as it were - like those fowl.  

Now my life is once again in turmoil with the same issues that I faced and thought I had solved after my dismantling 8 years ago.  This Thanksgiving doesn't look to be the joyous holiday of yore or even the past 8 years of rebuilding.

The turkeys are on the table again this year.  They are there with the candle holder I couldn't find until I prayed to St. Anthony.  There are also the what feels to be the annual guilt bouquet of flowers from the hubby; the reason for my despair.

I feel like taking those candle holders and smashing them into a million pieces.  The reasons:

1.   I am the only one who appears to care about them - the kids are grown. 

2.  They have never worked as intended.

I know I won't.  I have come to a catharsis.  Those candle holders represent us.  We ARE the wayward turkeys!!

To quote Arlo - "This Dump is Closed on Thanksgiving"