Today is the first day off of yoga that I have had since Sunday. I went to Bikram yoga for five consecutive days after work. I worked myself deeply but yet I still feel slight pangs of guilt that I didn’t go to yoga today. Instead I stayed home and cleaned house but I found myself thinking about yoga several times throughout my chores. I had to work at staying present and focused on my tasks which were important and not thinking about missing today’s Saturday Community Yoga class. I know full well that I am MORE than entitled to take some time off but somehow it feels as though I am only cheating myself in the end. The way I feel after doing a yoga class is far better than the way I feel after cleaning house. Yoga has replaced housecleaning as my preferred method of physical prayer and meditation. It has become my physical mantra.
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After her month was over my sister started going to a place
close to her home and she encouraged me to go ahead and go to the class at 4:30
since I already knew the poses and it would be fine – I had this. By the time I got around to telling Kim that
I was going to start showing up for that class she had decided to make that a
Beginning Bikram class with a Silent Bikram class at 3 as there had been so
much demand for a Beginning Bikram class.
She’d been running a lot of different social media coupons and it was
working out for her new studio. More and
more students had started coming in the time I had been going so it was fun to
watch this local business grow.
It was also fun to be a part of something greater – a
community of other people committed to the practice of hatha yoga. It felt very strongly spiritual for me as I
started learning the poses and by the time I started going to the Bikram classes
it started to feel like a personal mantra that I do with my body. It is a way to renew my body and also my
spirit. To be still, to enter the
stillness with intent to heal and practice peace while sweating and using the
heat of the studio to go beyond my edge is very fulfilling for on a spiritual
level. Although I am not really excited
by the Hindu/Self Realization Fellowship aspect it does have some Zen things
that give me a great sense of peace. The
meditational aspect of it and the staying present worked into my Buddhist
leaning Unity faith.
So now it’s a part of my schedule. I get off work and drive a couple miles down
the road to Yogini’s and I do 90 minutes of yoga and sweat like a fool
then I come home and change/shower and decide what we should have for
dinner. I wish I could say I have lost a
lot of weight but I haven’t. In Bikram’s
book (which is very funny!) he says that your metabolism levels out where it
wants to be because the poses have stimulated those glands. I do see that my arms and legs are
firmer. I do so wish I could say the
same about my stomach but I think it’s just something that I will have to live with. I have the stomach of a 53 year
old mother of 2 because I AM a 53 year old mother of 2. However, I have taken this step as one of
many with the intention of in improving my health both physically and
spiritually.
I do love the staff and the studio. I love the smell, the feel and the light in
the building. I love everything about it and even after 2 months of going I
still get excited to think about going there after work! I have met other women there and even took one class next to a man my adult kids had as an elementary school choral music teacher. It’s been a liberating experience just like
the hubby said it would when I first started taking classes at the place that
didn’t work out. He was right. It’s been a journey of discovery into what
works for me to meet the need I have in my life for a practice of yoga. It took a while but I found a home at
Yogini’s. I signed up for membership and
I am enjoying my daily routine of doing my full body mantra.
Now I just have to figure out a way to let myself have a day
off without self-judgments. I am
doing great. I am doing something. That is more than most and there are days
when showing up is the hardest part of my day but afterwards I am grateful, so
grateful, that I was able to do it. That
my body is able to move into these poses and postures that do work on the
inside of my body and mind is truly nothing short of miraculous. I am so grateful for this body which is a
vessel for my spirit. I am also
extremely grateful for the spirit that is inside me and everyone, everything
else in the Universe. Yoga is one of many things that make me
realize just how vast our knowledge and breadth is.
We are expansive. We
are but a small part of something bigger but no less important than any other
parts. When I go back to the basics of
breath I can see that. Yoga has taught
me that.