Presbyopia Sucks

It's been coming for a while.  The shower has never had the best light and it's been getting harder to see the close up items as my presbyopia progressed.  Wearing the contact lenses in the shower became ineffective due to poor lighting and wearing the bifocals impossible.  A few years ago the daughter laughed at me when my armpits were hairy and said "I know, they are too close for you to see".  Reality and truth hurts.

I have patiently waited for the body hair loss all older women report but it has thinned only.  Still have random armpit and leg hair to my chagrin.  Sparser sure, but still there.  I still need to shave else I look like Mountain Girl. Hmph.  It became worse and worse so before I hurt myself using a razor I broke down and bought this electric shaver.  This way I can put on the bifocals, shave the legs then take a shower.  Like old women do. Sure it works.  It's not as close a shave and certainly not as convenient either.  The worst part is it was the admission of my creeping codgerism. 

"What a drag it is getting old" - Mick Jagger, Mother's Little Helper

Bitches be trippin' and slippin'

Not sure what I expect.  We've had the sun tea jar for over 15 years.  Has a spigot and we bought it at Smitty's.  Been used a lot.  A few years back it started dripping so we would stop putting the jar in the fridge.  Transfer it to a big-ass plastic pitcher.  Just were mindful if the spigot.  Today, bringing in the tea I was obviously not mindful of the spigot.  It started pouring out all over the floor.  Get the jar to the counter and stop the tea-bleeding.  Turn to get the plastic pitcher and slip on the wet kitchen floor.  Ass over teakettle onto my back.  Smacked the hell out of my hip and shoulder.  Bruised feelings over how scared I was!  Kept thinking "I cannot fall and break a hip!". Sure I have osteoporosis but at age 56 years old (for NOW) do I really need to worry about broken hips?  If so the next 20 years are going to be exhausting trying to stay vertical.  Right now I just know I feel like I fell.  It hurts and I am angry.  Slathered in Muscle Spray and taking ibuprofen.  Getting a new tea jar our of the deal though.

A New Year - maybe some posts?

 

Wow - the last time I posted was May 2012?  Good Maude - where does the year go?

 Decided that this year I would really work on the ol' blog.  Post it up big time; give the few meager readers I got a major thrill.  It all sounded like a good idea but was in NO WAY a resolution because I don't do those - dammit.

So I pull up the blog here and realize that in 2013 I posted nothing.  Nada.  Bupkiss.  Zip. 
I also realize that the few meager followers I had were probably gone too.  Rebrand my ass; rebrand as a dang slacker.  I felt something I had not felt - blogger shame.  I had experience blogger remorse, blogger backlash and even blogger fail but never shame.  That kind of made me feel more ashamed.  However, I realized that was only making it worse so I had to IGNORE MYSELF and just accept my dereliction of blogging and move on.



So that's what I am doing.

I am not even going to give you a "year in review".  That would be just cruel.  To everyone.

Suffice to say that 2013 was a transformative year.  If references are made this year to things that happened last year I will try to give a "back story" to keep you few meager readers in the know.  Otherwise I am starting from scratch with this year.  Keeping it current, keeping it real.

To say that I am disappointed that the Central Farmer's Market has not contacted me to do some yoga classes at the Saturday markets would be an understatement.  I took those classes and am almost half way to yoga teacher certification and by golly I would really like to teach some classes.  I would also like to earn my tuition back and hopefully get a leg up on what I hope is my 2nd career after retirement from the State.  They seemed so anxious for me to start before the holidays.  I didn't because I was still finishing up my teacher training and also finishing up my Christmas shopping.  I put them off until the "new year".  Probably a foolish move.  They are no longer interested in Hatha With Heather.  Bummer.

I will keep practicing and training.  I am motivated and feeling physically better since doing yoga.  Mentally and emotionally I think it helps too.  I hasn't solved all my problems - but close. 

The hubby and I are still adapting to the empty nest syndrome and it gets easier every day.  We took lots of weekend trips last year.  Some successful, some not.  Our big vacation to New England for my father's funeral was terrific which is weird to say but it was. The trip was bittersweet. A hard reason to go back but it brought back great memories and a feeling of going back to my roots. The kids went and there was even a proposal!  So we've got the daughter's wedding to look forward to this year.   Like I said - the year was transformative.  

So this year will hopefully bring more posts.  I downloaded the mobile app and that should help. 
Just be patient with me.

I am still transforming.

Bikram Yoga

Today is the first day off of yoga that I have had since Sunday.  I went to Bikram yoga for five consecutive days after work.  I worked myself deeply but yet I still feel slight pangs of guilt that I didn’t go to yoga today.  Instead I stayed home and cleaned house but I found myself thinking about yoga several times throughout my chores.  I had to work at staying present and focused on my tasks which were important and not thinking about missing today’s Saturday Community Yoga class.  I know full well that I am MORE than entitled to take some time off but somehow it feels as though I am only cheating myself in the end.  The way I feel after doing a yoga class is far better than the way I feel after cleaning house.  Yoga has replaced housecleaning as my preferred method of physical prayer and meditation.  It has become my physical mantra.

I bought my first Amazon Local voucher for yoga classes back in November thinking it would be a good thing to alleviate any holiday stress.  I never got around to using the voucher until January and it just wasn’t a good fit for me.  The studio, although lovely, was further from home than I wanted making it difficult to motivate.  I used what I could of the voucher and was just about done when the next offer from Amazon Local came in – a smaller downtown studio called Yogini’s.  The name sounded fun but this time I decided to do some research and found they were a hatha yoga studio and did the Bikram – hot – yoga that I was interested in trying.  I looked up the schedules and they had a beginning Bikram class at 4:30 which was perfect with my work schedule.  I would be able to hit the place after work.  I looked up Bikram yoga and read what I could about it. I read the schedule and decided it had perfect timing for me after work and I thought the hot aspect sounded awesome after a day in a cold building; air conditioning blasting down on me plus I could get a good 90 minute workout in and be home by 6:15. Almost too good to be true. I was excited about finally having a way to work out on my way home and Yogini’s sounded reasonable if I found I liked them. I decided it sounded like worth a try so I went ahead and bought the voucher for 2 months.   With classes that would work with my schedule downtown I was excited to start taking hot yoga. 

I showed up for my first class unprepared at best.  I showed up all excited and found that I was the only student that night.  I met the owner Kim and her daughters Roz and Ruby.  Roz did the class with me that first night where I stumbled through the poses but enjoyed it.  I found that my mat was useless without a towel because they heat the studio to 104 degrees and increase the humidity as well.  Kim put some essential oils in the humidifier which was terrific.  She was patience as she explained the hatha yoga practice.  Since it was my first time doing hot yoga she gave me a bottle of water on the house but let it be known that the next time it would cost me a buck.  I did the poses the best I could and although I sweat like a mule I felt FANTASTIC afterwards!  I was ready to sign up forever right them but wanted to do the 4:30 Beginning Bikram listed on the schedule on the website.  Kim explained that was a silent Bikram class and that until I knew the poses I should focus on some of the Synergy classes listed until I was familiar with the poses and hot environment.  I thought that sounded reasonable so I started going to the later classes at 6:15 to learn what I could about the practice of hatha yoga.  I bought a used copy of Bikram’s Beginning Yoga Class at Ruby’s suggestion. 

I talked my sister in to going to a month of classes on another voucher since she worked a couple days a week close to the studio.  Her first visit she was surprised and excited to see a picture of Yogananda, on the wall since she’d been reading his books for many years.  She learned that Kim and her family had studied with Yogananda for many years they were a very spiritual group of women.  My sister bought me a copy of “Autobiography of a Yogi” and I read that while she and I would meet for classes a couple days a week and then I would go by myself the other days.  Despite getting home – again – close to 8 pm it was a spiritual awakening for me.  I was inspired by reading about Paramahansana Yogananda and it did help with my understanding of hatha yoga  to learn of his journey in kriya yoga.  His  brother Biksnu Ghosh was the guru of Bikram Choudury so it all had its roots in hatha yoga.  I knew that I had been lead there to practice Bikram yoga and I wanted to take that 4:30 Silent Bikram class!

After her month was over my sister started going to a place close to her home and she encouraged me to go ahead and go to the class at 4:30 since I already knew the poses and it would be fine – I had this.  By the time I got around to telling Kim that I was going to start showing up for that class she had decided to make that a Beginning Bikram class with a Silent Bikram class at 3 as there had been so much demand for a Beginning Bikram class.  She’d been running a lot of different social media coupons and it was working out for her new studio.  More and more students had started coming in the time I had been going so it was fun to watch this local business grow. 

It was also fun to be a part of something greater – a community of other people committed to the practice of hatha yoga.  It felt very strongly spiritual for me as I started learning the poses and by the time I started going to the Bikram classes it started to feel like a personal mantra that I do with my body.  It is a way to renew my body and also my spirit.  To be still, to enter the stillness with intent to heal and practice peace while sweating and using the heat of the studio to go beyond my edge is very fulfilling for on a spiritual level.  Although I am not really excited by the Hindu/Self Realization Fellowship aspect it does have some Zen things that give me a great sense of peace.  The meditational aspect of it and the staying present worked into my Buddhist leaning Unity faith. 

So now it’s a part of my schedule.  I get off work and drive a couple miles down the road to Yogini’s and I do 90 minutes of yoga and sweat like a fool then I come home and change/shower and decide what we should have for dinner.  I wish I could say I have lost a lot of weight but I haven’t.  In Bikram’s book (which is very funny!) he says that your metabolism levels out where it wants to be because the poses have stimulated those glands.  I do see that my arms and legs are firmer.  I do so wish I could say the same about my stomach but I think it’s just something that I will have to live with.  I have the stomach of a 53 year old mother of 2 because I AM a 53 year old mother of 2.  However, I have taken this step as one of many with the intention of in improving my health both physically and spiritually. 

I do love the staff and the studio.  I love the smell, the feel and the light in the building. I love everything about it and even after 2 months of going I still get excited to think about going there after work!  I have met other women there and even took one class next to a man my adult kids had as an elementary school choral music teacher.  It’s been a liberating experience just like the hubby said it would when I first started taking classes at the place that didn’t work out.  He was right.  It’s been a journey of discovery into what works for me to meet the need I have in my life for a practice of yoga.  It took a while but I found a home at Yogini’s.  I signed up for membership and I am enjoying my daily routine of doing my full body mantra. 

Now I just have to figure out a way to let myself have a day off without self-judgments.  I am doing great.  I am doing something.  That is more than most and there are days when showing up is the hardest part of my day but afterwards I am grateful, so grateful, that I was able to do it.  That my body is able to move into these poses and postures that do work on the inside of my body and mind is truly nothing short of miraculous.  I am so grateful for this body which is a vessel for my spirit.  I am also extremely grateful for the spirit that is inside me and everyone, everything else in the Universe.   Yoga is one of many things that make me realize just how vast our knowledge and breadth is. 

We are expansive.  We are but a small part of something bigger but no less important than any other parts.  When I go back to the basics of breath I can see that.  Yoga has taught me that. 

can't follow directions

Right.....so I wrotejust yesterday that my rib situation was a sign that I needed to take it easy, mend and take a break from the Xbox; perhaps write a little.  I think that directive lasted about an hour.   I fired up the system and was working my 3rd - yellow - chakra for about an hour.  For a while it felt like it was good for my rib because my neck got sore - like it was before the hubby muckled me and bruised the rib (or whatever it is that happened) - and the rib wasn't as sore.  I thought - aha! - it is good for me to move.  I should keep working on this.

It rolled around to game time and I turned off the Xbox after playing for an hour or so.  Sat on the couch and proceeded to watch the NFL Playoffs.   As the Saints fell to the 49er's; my rib began to get more sore and you can kind of see where it's out of whack so to speak.  It's like a bruised area under my left boob.  Hurts to move in certain positions.  It's a damned nuisance!  As I sat and watched the game it got stiff and when I would move forward it would kind of clack - like there's some sort of movement.  I realized then that the best thing to do would be to take it easy.  We'd gone out Friday night to see War Horse so I decided we'd stay home.  The Patriots game was on anyway......

We ordered pizza, watched the Patriots red-ass spank the Bronchos and I took it easy.  Today we did church and then I beached on the couch to watch Baltimore beat Houston to advance against the Patriots (good luck with that) and am watching the Giants at Green Bay.  The game is closer than I thought it would be.

However, getting on and off the couch is a challenge.  I have the laptop fired up here and I intend to stay here tonight.  Thank goodness for a 3-day weekend and I can take it easy until I need to go to the casino for the cookware for the daughter and then take my folks to the doctor.  We'll see how things look on Tuesday as to whether I go to the doctor or  not.  I am hoping that staying still will do the trick.

But I really - REALLY - want to play the video game.  I  am also very disappointed in myself that I didn't follow my own advice and stay away from it until the rib is better.  What is it that makes us do the things we know we shouldn't?  Drive too fast, wear shoes that hurt and push ourselves even when we are hurt....it's an illness.  It's a silly personal competitiveness that doesn't make any sense at all.  The whole concept of the game - Leela - is to look within and go with the flow.  I am not flowing too well here.

In addition - isn't it time to act my age?  Realize that as a middle-aged woman I need to stop and see the signs the Universe is throwing my way?  Sore/bruised rib = take it easy!  At my age I really should know better.

Now....back to football.

hello world

Isn't that the phrase they have you use when starting a new web page?  Not sure, not really important either.  Suffice to say - here I am.  The blogger formerly known as houndog2 transformed into a new persona - AZHbomb.  The time has come to change, to rebrand and to find a place to blog that fits my life now.

The old blog will still be there to reflect upon and to go back to see the rantings of my former self. 
This new blog will be here to reflect the 2nd half of my life and my present self.